Blatherskite

Owen was an ordinary man with an ordinary life. He worked as an accountant in a reputable accountancy firm and earned a decent wage. He had a mortgage, a cat, and an ulcer. He wore white shirts, blue ties, and a dark grey suit which had two pairs of trousers, so that he always had one clean, neatly pressed pair of trousers to wear while the other pair was being dry-cleaned.

Owen's life was uneventful. He often thought he would like to be married and have 2.5 children (although he wasn't really certain how one had 0.5 of a child), but he had never met Miss Right. In fact, he rarely met women at all. 

Which is why it was unexpected that at 4.37pm precisely, Owen found himself in a very peculiar situation. His workmates (who often sniggered at Owen's numbingly boring normality) had arranged a blind date for him with a young woman named Hornelia Blowhard. Now, his workmates assumed that someone with that moniker must be a porn star, or stripper, or some other type of shady woman who would a) shock the socks off Owen, and b) give Owen a 'good time'.

They were wrong.

Miss Hornelia Blowhard (and I do stress the title “Miss”) was a rather pompous young woman, round faced and plump of girth, whose greatest achievement in life was playing the tuba louder and longer that anyone else. In fact, if Owen's workmates had checked the latest Guinness Book of Records, they would have seen that Miss Blowhard's record for longest and loudest tuba solo had stood for fifteen years. They would also have read that since the epic performance which earned her that record (and flattened a small town, injured one hundred people, and frightened a whole herd of cows who stampeded and were never found again), it was deemed that no-one would attempt to break the record unless they also entered into a contract to pay for any damages occurring as a result of their challenge. Given the substantial cost of reparation from Miss Blowhard's efforts, no-one has yet accepted these terms and challenged her record.

Anyway, Owen met Miss Blowhard in the local park for a spot of afternoon tea. All went surprisingly well until Owen kissed Miss Blowhard on the lips in the most gentle of kisses. Miss Blowhard blushed deeply, fainted a little, then in a state of over-excitement, whipped out her tuba (she carried it with her everywhere) to serenade Owen with a passionate love aria.

And what do you think happened next?

The answer my friend is Owen in the wind. The answer is Owen in the wind.

Inspired by a prompt from Jill Badonsky in The Muse Is IN Writing Club.